The World's Gone Batshitcrazy

Apparently my name is of an Icelandic root. Which is the only explanation for why people can’t spell or pronounce Alisa, just like they can’t “Eyjafjallajokull.” ( I spelled that from memory. Seriously. Ok fine. Not seriously.)

My whole life, these 5 little letters have become the bain of my existence. I mean if my name was Eyjafjallajokull I would get it. But its LISA with an A. C’mon humanity. You’re smarter than that!

The other day I was in Starbucks. I ordered a triple shot, nonfat cappuccino.

So she asks me my name. I say “Alisa” and make sure to enunciate it.

“How do you spell it” she asks.

“A-L-I-S-A” I answer.

“Oh” she replies. “That makes sense. A-Lisa. Like Lisa with an A.”

“Yep, you got it!” I reply wishing she would focus less on her new found intelligence and more on making my triple shot espresso.

“I dunno why I was gonna add another “S” and an “E” she confided. 

“Yeah, I dunno why either” I said with a half smile on my face. 

“Do people screw up your name all the time” she asked.

“Yes.” I reply. Mostly at Starbucks.

After our heartfelt conversation ended, I stuck the change from my cash into the tip jar (bless her heart) and headed to the other counter to grab my cup. 

She spelled it wrong. Alissea.

WTF!?

I had watched her write my name on the cup as I clearly announced, one by one, each of those 5 simple letters to her.

How?

I give up. On humanity. And Starbucks’ baristas.