I’ve always wanted a hero to look up to. I have one now.
With all my powers I couldn’t caption this one if you paid me….
I want whatever they’re on.
I have an irrational fear of hiccups. Every time I get them, I am convinced they will never go away and I will live the rest of my life, hiccuping. I get so upset that I will do anything to make them go away. And without fail, I practically give myself a panic attack. Which of course, makes them worse. My irrational fear became a rational fear, when the “hiccup girl” became famous some years back for hiccuping for several months straight.
My once irrational fear, was now a rational fear. And I feared I could be next.
A few years after the Hiccup Girl became a national sensation, she was back in the news… for allegedly murdering someone during a botched robbery attempt. Her mother blamed the “curse” of her hiccups for turning her sweet daughter into a horrible monster.
Nothing good comes from hiccups.
I got the hiccups today. They only lasted for about 10 minutes. It felt like an eternity. I wrote out my will.
Dramatic? Nah.
Fuck that movie. Fuck you Rachel McAdams. Fuck you Ryan Gosling. Fuck you too, James Garner and Gena Rowlands. Yeah, I said it. Fuck you for ruining my perfectly enjoyable evening out with friends. I came home to find your stupid movie on. It had just started. I fuckin’ got sucked in. Oh, I knew what I was in for. “Only 20 minutes more” I kept telling myself at each commercial break. I’ve seen this fuckin’ movie enough times to know what will happen when I get to the end. Yet fuck me, 2 hours later, I’m crying. Crying like a stupid baby. Fuck you ABC Family for ruining my evening by laying in a pool of my own tears wishing love like that could truly exist. Fuck you Nicholas Sparks for ruining every girl’s sensible dream of meeting a guy who is just fine enough, and settling. We’re supposed to be finding our soul mates? The one who for years we can’t stop thinking about and then magically come back into our lives and live happily ever after? Shit, we even die together holding hands in bed? Fuck you.
This movie should be rated NC-17. Girls should not be able to watch this movie without an adult present. No young woman should go into her formidable years believing any of this will happen to them. And to those idiotic women who choose to watch this fuckin’ movie over and over again, and cry like a fool cause its just so god damn beautiful to watch because OMG they love each other sooo much and cannot live without each other and OMG soul mates DO exist and OMG I fuckin’ love this movie and want to watch it again, right now… gotta go! bye!
P.S. Ryan Gosling… CALL ME!
[video]
Mankini made it, but Moobs hasn’t?! Blasphemy. Until ‘Moobs’ is officially added to the dictionary, I will not be satisfied…
6 Ridiculous New Words Added To The Oxford English Dictionary | Buzzfeed
- Jeggings
- Sexting
- Woot
- Retweet
- Cyberbullying
- Mankini
Stop whatever you are doing and LOOK AT THIS FUCKIN' DOG -
Boo and I are now friends on Facebook. You should be too. https://www.facebook.com/Boo
(Source: addtoany.com)
Recently, I was dating a guy for a while. Nearly 6 months to be exact. Things were going well. I wasn’t sure if he was the ONE but I knew I was really happy and enjoying the time we spent together.
Close to the 6 month mark, I started feeling distance from him. I approached him. My women’s intuition was dead on; something had changed for him. Basically, he sat me down and told me that he never believed in true love. That he had always dated girls that were great, he enjoyed being with, but never believed in the whole true love bs. Until now. He found his “soulmate.”
*Disclaimer: that person was NOT me. (Tricked ya, huh?!)
After nearly 6 months of dating, my (non) boyfriend (we never had a title. Sigh…) had met his “soulmate.” And while he was unsure what the outcome would be with this other girl, he was willing to take that chance to find out. Heartbroken, embarrassed, sad… I left that night in tears, and spent several more after that in a haze.
I began to move forward… I even started dating again. I KNOW! Go me!
And then it happened… recently I came to discover he and his “soulmate” were now together. While not 100% confirmed, my 90% assurance and my women’s intuition knocked it well over 100%. (I mean c’mon, they’re pretty much engaged… in my head.)
The emotions came rushing back again. In a huge way. I didn’t know where to turn. My normal go–to tivo full of mind numbing (brilliant!) reality television wasn’t even helping. I couldn’t focus. The thought of talking on the phone to any of my friends about it, was too much. And then I spied across the table, a new issue of an US Weekly.
There, a cover story on Jennifer Aniston’s newest man. A man she in fact may have stolen from another woman after a 12 year long relationship. And like in every article about Jennifer’s love life, there was mention of Angelina & Brad. And I immediately started to feel better. Can you imagine having your heart broken and then having it plastered on every magazine and news show without any way to escape? Brangelina (yeah, they even had a nickname… salt in the wound much?) is now perhaps the most famous celebrity couple in the world. My ex isn’t gracing the covers of magazines each week with the constant reminder that he chose his “soulmate” over me. A huge grin came across my face, knowing I was way better off than one of the biggest celebrities of our time. And while sure, Jennifer is gorgeous, a bazillionaire and all around more fortunate than I am, heartbreak is heartbreak. And I knew Jennifer Aniston had felt it. And probably 1000x worse.
I smiled, realizing my own good fortune. And fell asleep holding my copy of ‘US weekly’ tightly.
Jennifer Aniston saved me that night.
(Ahem, remind me to renew my subscription to ‘US Weekly’)
NEXT UP: What LeAnn Rimes taught me about landing a man (hint: it involves not eating a morsel of food!)
When I moved my blog from Wordpress to Tumblr some time ago (I can’t remember when, and I’m far too lazy to scroll through my posts) I thought, “Oh… Tumblr seems much more simple. It’ll be a good way for me to feel more comfortable posting more blogs, more often.” Which, of course I didn’t. But it’s only cause my hands were mauled in a terrible dinosaur accident. No, no that’s not true. I’m just a lazy fuck (Do you see a pattern forming here?)
What I didn’t realize is that I would be entering a new world. Or rather a cult. I feel like I have this second life on here. There are jokes, phrases, memes (a term I learned here on Tumblr) that only Tumblr’ers know. I am addicted to scrolling through my dashboard day and night, sharing inside jokes with my fellow Tumblr’ers, knowing no one else, outside the confines of those pages will “get it.”
I always thought of myself as a strong person. I know now that I am not. I’m a follower. And I kinda dig it. Just don’t tell any of my regular friends. I have a reputation to uphold (albeit one of a borderline personality disorder…)
I probably shouldn’t be as jealous as I am of her…
But I am. I am.
Living the dream
These…
With this card.
Done. I’m yours.
Combining my two favorite things in life… baby talk and Jesus.
I imagine this is what my own personal hell sounds like.
[video]
As someone who may never actually get married (Mom, if you’re reading this… plese stop crying. You already have 2 grandkids) it’s ironic I was photographed, seated in the first row of a bridal fashion show. Look at my dumbass head popping into all the pics.
I went for the free cupcakes… don’t judge me.
http://www.marriage.com/blog/uncategorized/front-row-at-jenny-yoo-bridal-collection-fall-2011/